BFF

We met when I was four and she was two.  I used to call her Harmonica, because I didn't get 'Monica'.  I knew what harmonica was, though.  We used to play in the woods and make up stories, draw stories, tell stories.  We lived in imaginary worlds that to this day seem more real to me than the world we actually lived in.

Then we discovered music.  Both taking up the guitar in '78, we became the 'Nurk Twins' like John and Paul- the 'Grofe Ensemble', 'Webbed Head' and wrote songs like "Idiosyncratic Men" and "the Harried Reporter".  Eventually we paired up with a couple of other adorable chicks and formed a band called 'Damsel' that only played obscure Beatles songs. In our bare feet.  I was the oldest and I was barely sixteen. Yes, it was cute.

Eventually growing up took place and she moved out to Maine, and then Jersey, we both had kids of our own and busy lives.  Even so, we can still pick up the phone or Skype and pick up exactly at the same place we last left off no matter how much time has transpired.  And that's what besties do, after all.

What a Difference a Day Makes...

I realized today that it's been a good long while since I blogged.  So much has transpired when I look at the months between my last post and this one, it would take a Tolkien-like trilogy to really describe it all.  Astonishing, actually.  I wish I had kept up with the story-telling during that time, because it would have made a rather good read.  At least for me looking back. I don't know about anyone else... But then a blog is sort of an open journal thing, so ultimately it's not about whether anyone else really cares to read it, but just the putting my little story out there, partly to process, partly to show that we all are muddling through this time on the pale blue dot and it's 'okay to feel messed up sometimes'.

Lots of crazy shifts up down and sideways and I find myself mid-2014 in a totally different plane of existence. " And I remember that some of it wasn't very nice. But most of it was beautiful..."

"

It's a bit like arriving in a new world... sort of like Dorothy, or Ollie in the Plane of Imaginings - who BTW is supposed to see print in the graphic novel of Return of the Exile in a month or so.  That's ONE of the many things that have transpired in my life and the lives of others.

I've lost weight, saw one child through some monumental challenges, and another child climb towards a life goal that is very nearly in reach.  Many other things large and small have transpired, but for me personally I have to admit that the largest shift has been relating to love.  Come on, the Beatles said it best- "all you need is love", and when I read my past writings, no matter how hard I have tried to deny it, the statement is very true.

I am in love. It feels more real than other love I have experienced, but I know that is the thing about real love- it fixes the past wounds and you feel healed.  Like everyone said it would it came out of nowhere, when I wasn't expecting it and was and continues to be effortless. Not that the relationship is effortless because such a thing does not exist- we're both middle aged and have lived and continue to live with many challenges, but the love itself, just IS.  Just effortlessly arrived and is there, real as can be.

I say all that mushy crap as one who has looked at 'the L word' with jaded trepidation since her sudden, shocking divorce almost 14 years ago.  But now, the cynicism is melting away.  Because this fellow has shown me that love isn't really love if you have walls in place- and he's proved to be pretty good at demolishing that fortress around my heart.  Onward into the sun!