Challenging

Last two days have been really difficult. I'm doing okay with the diet so that's a good thing and I've been running everyday. But I'm also very scared in other parts of my life.

Fear has always been the biggest component of the challenges I face. It's kept me in situations I shouldn't be I'm and it's kept me out of situations I should be in.  It's difficult for me to deal with other people with my own set of fears, so avoidance of others is often the way that I choose to exist.  This is left me with somewhat poor interpersonal skills and I don't know what to do about it because it requires skill in dealing with others to make yourself understood.

I know what I want out of life and in the past I've never really gotten and I don't know how to get it.  I want to feel safe I want to feel cherished I want to feel all the things that women want to feel.  Maybe nobody really actually does get those things... I don't know ...many people seem like they do on social media or just out and about all so happy.

  I'm one of those people who can feel  like I'm by myself in a crowded room.   It's hard for me to make myself understood but I will keep trying.   The hard part is ignoring the splinter in my heart that I often feel in situations that I can't  articulate bit simply feel the cold sense of terror.